Askmen.com might have been crafted by Lucifer himself

So the other day I was stumble-ing along and I stumbled upon an article: “Top 10: Subtle Ways to Tell Her She’s Getting Fat”

Yes, really this is the article on askmen.com. Normally when I stumble on something that clearly is not my cup of tea, I’ll simply hit the button and move onto the next site…but this time curiosity took over. I clicked through the list of “subtle” hints and found (to my horror mind you) this website is dedicated to the deceit of women. The whole website is full of step-by-step guides to mold women into the perfectly thin, ready to please, happy and smiling, lobotomized Donna Reeds who stand at the ready to make a sandwich at the drop of a hat.

I’m getting carried away, the main this to focus on is the TOP TEN ways to let her know you think he’s inadequate.

The first few are just small little psychological warfare grenades.

10. Buy her clothes that are too small
When confronted, the site suggests you say something to the effect “Oh well you were a size 8 last summer when we met, I just thought I’d get that size…”
The hope is this will shame her into loosing those pounds…classy

9. Sign her up for yoga
They say this is really great, but make sure you sign her up for a calorie burning class or else she’ll just be “rolling about on the floor for an hour on your dime.”
Even classier, askmen.com

8. Set out your own weight plan
This wouldn’t even be that bad if there wasn’t that terrible, pathetic ulterior motive lurking in the very foundation of this “plan”
I can only imagine those overweight jackasses who skipped over this one…why be in shape when you can shape your current inadequate girlfriend into a hot one without any significant change for yourself!?

Here’s where it moves from simple “suggestions” to most elaborate and planned out schemes…

7. Serve her unsatisfactory portions
This method is another “shaming” method. They suggest you serve a smaller than average portion to curb her over-eating (which I can only assume means she eats as much as an human adult should) and if you get hungry you can always sneak more food when she’s not watching…
Maybe when she’s still hungry after NOT EATING ENOUGH FOOD, she won’t go back for seconds because she’ll feel like the fatty she is. Genius.

6. Improve your own diet
Again, not a terrible idea. They suggest you update your own goddamn eating habits if you’re so unhappy with the way things are…health wise that is, since you know all men dating women of average size are nutrition gurus.
I do appreciate that they’re trying to promote you both bone up on your health and eating habits…but the reasons listed are to maintain sexual intimacy. Because getting in shape just for health purposes is so 1997.

5. Playfully grab her love handles
This suggestion calls on women’s innate reaction to being touched on their flab, we recoil in horror. Maybe if you poke at it enough you’ll make her aware of it, and she’ll take care of the situation. Because yeah, she wasn’t aware of the flab before, jackass.
Okay, the facts are right: I do recoil in horror when people touch my flab. Maybe that’s why I take such offense to a site that offers this as a “Something you should do: suggestion. Because if you touch my flab in anyway that isn’t pure affection, I’ll break your finger.

Here’s where things get malicious. This is where it is straight up mental manipulation. They are actually teaching men to PLAY GAMES WITH WOMEN’S MINDS. I’m so serious…read on:

4. Tell her to wear an old dress
Oh yes, the very famous “you aren’t the same size that you used to be” game. Hopefully when she tried to squeeze into that sleeve of a dress she’ll cry out in agony and drop 50 pounds.
Comparing yourself to yourself is torture people.

And it only gets worse. I’m serious, Askmen.com may actually be set up by the devil himself.

3. Sabotage her chair
You read that correctly, they are telling you to weaken the supports on her chair.
Maybe as she tumbles to the ground she’ll regret the last few years of letting herself go. How dare she. I swear, falling to the floor is barely punishment enough for getting fat…right?

2. Leave “NOW” and “THEN” photos lying around
This is the first to admit that you, as the signifigant other, might be caught being manipulative. Because see prior to this she couldn’t see your thinly veiled attempts at saying “Change now ordon’t let the door hit you on your big, hefer-esque behind”
But don’t worry, they tell you to turn the tables and claim she’s being manipulative. Fat and manipulative? She’s lucky to have you, champ.

And finally, the moment you’ve all be waiting for, number one:

1. Take her to places where she has to wear a swimsuit.
(I copied and pasted this right from the website for fear I wouldn’t do it justice with my snarky-woman ways)
If she seems content staying at home eating donuts in her track pants, why not start taking her to places where she has no choice but to where a swimsuit? As she awkwardly looks around at all the slender bodies having a great time, she’ll more than likely vow to do something about her recent weight gain, especially if she knows she’ll be back there in the not-so-distant future.

So there you have it. If you want a quick way to alienate your girlfriend, they have a thousand and one more lists just as extreme and misogynistic as this one! Thanks askmen.com!